I’d like to formally apologize to every person I’ve got in the face of for suggesting that where I’m from is in any way countryfied or bumpkiny. I have, over the course of my life, defended Lancaster’s honor as a beacon of small-town greatness and, on repeat occasions, argued against the suggestion that it’s somewhere south of Bumblesfuckburgingtonvillehamsmouthlandtown. But I was wrong. I was wrong and I’m sorry.
How do I know I was wrong? I got this wrong number message on my voice mail.