New Year’s Resolutions

New Years!

Every year I make some meager resolution and every year I fail to complete it. The last few annual give-ups gave me a comfortable, warm-pajama feeling that I’m like everyone else. Then this year came along and after some thought I realized the real reason I’ve failed to complete past resolutions isn’t because I’m normal, but because I’m not.

My problem in the past hasn’t been an inability to follow-through on the mediocre, it’s been the fact that I’ve only come up with mediocre things to follow-through on. I’m not the kind of person who can get excited about organizing a bookcase or catching up on unwatched Empty Nest episodes. That’s why this year I came up with the following list of more ambitious and therefore more likely to be completed resolutions.

  1. Win some kind of major award – I’m not sure what the award would or should be for, but I should definitely try to win one.
  2. Play a professional sport professionally – I’m gunning for playing one snap in a Rudy-esque turn of events for an NFL squad but I’d settle for xistera stacker on a Malaysian Jai-Alai team.
  3. Frame some stuff – I’m not talking about unframed gig posters here (that would be a regular resolution for me), but frame stuff like houses, maybe even frame a factory that makes house frames.
  4. Write a screenplay that is awesome – I just finished writing my second unpublished novel last week. I need to revise it and try and get it published, but that doesn’t sound as cool as “write awesome screenplay”.
  5. Learn to fly – According to Tom Petty this is possible without wings. If he doesn’t get back to me I’ll just make one of these suits at home.
  6. Read every single book on this list then come up with a list of anecdotal ways to enter the fact that I’ve read every book on that list into casual conversation.
  7. Avoid getting a job for as long as possible – This isn’t really so much a resolution as it is a goal. I feel like resolutions have to have some kind of ending and this one, by design, would not.
  8. Make more lists of stuff – It’s fun and informative.
  9. Go to at least one ridiculous sporting event – I went to the World Series last  year so I’m thinking either Super Bowl (I’m short on time) or ringside at Pacquiao vs Mayweather (if it happens).
  10. Learn to make a better fish taco – I feel like mine are mediocre, at best.
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2 responses to “New Year’s Resolutions

  1. Jeff Jeff – the trick to fish tacos is the spicy mayo. #11 – learn to make spicy mayo.

  2. Wow, number 7 is just… wow. Now that I know that, maybe you should add “Learn how to use the washer and dryer” to the list.

    Awww snap!

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