It’s recently come to my attention that I share a remarkable number of characteristics with Bill Cosby’s character Cliff Huxtable on The Cosby Show. So you can understand the scope of our similarities, allow me to create a short and digestable list.
- We both live in a City. And while we don’t live in the same city, I do live near a block that looks kinda like the one the Huxtable’s lived on. And I have also started a neighborhood watch that somehow scared away gun-toting gangs through multi-racial solidarity.
- We’re both Doctors. Cliff Huxtable is a Physician, a doctor in the classic sense, while I am a more theoretical Doctor, one without any ‘degrees’ or ‘expertise’ any ‘experience’ or ‘know how’.
- We both have crazy dreams when we eat late at night. Granted, my dreams tend to be about zombies more than me being pregnant or me meeting my elementary school aged daughter as a wise-cracking adult, but we do both have crazy dreams from food.
- We both lick our lips and puff out our chests like a threatened bird when we make elaborate sandwiches that include no less than five kinds of deli meat and are complimented by the contents of a label-free jar of mysterious spread.
- We both like to sneak sandwiches and half-filled glasses of juice into our bedroom to eat in the middle of the night for some reason.
- We both seem to be awkwardly focused on the making and eating of sandwiches to the point where it takes over our life.
- We both tuck our hands back at the wrist and hold them against our sides when we dance into a room.
- We have both have dressed up with our families and danced a free-form Salsa, uncertain whether the music was following us or us the music.
- We both have a rival named “Tailwind Turner”. Mine isn’t a track rival but an evil pilot, the helmsman of a bright green bi-plane that I often dual from my own late twenties fighter.
- We both attended the fictional Hillman College, which, coincidentally, is where I got my aforementioned doctorate.
- We both have African American fathers who play trombone in a jazz quartet, talk slow, have lots of old friends and no a thing or two about a thing or two.
I could go on for days, but I, like Cliff Huxtable, get tired early. I just hope my obnoxious pre-pubescent neighbor doesn’t come by and interrupt my first attempt at relaxing after a long day with a series of inane but somehow insightful questions.