What would any blog chronicling a persons time unemployed be without a list of accomplishments made during the time a person has had a blog chronicling their experience? That said, here is a list of all the amazing things I’ve accomplished during my first six months of unemployment.
- I have sporadically written on a variety of subjects that a small subsection of the people that know me are interested in reading about – While it may be tempting for another person to keep a blog about being unemployed actually about that experience and not allow it to drift into the nether-realms of Store Name Reviews and Pitbull/Martin Luther King Analogies, I have resisted temptation and stayed true to my lack of form.
- I have shamelessly self-promoted – For a long time I imagined myself as the kind of person who would never litter their facebook and twitter with links to their own blog entries, I saw myself as above or beyond that sort of masturbatory exercise, but then I transcended my own transcendence and, like the Dalai Lama before me, assaulted everyone I know with mildly entertaining thoughts to support my own sense of self-importance.
- I have fallen back in love – Not with a person or writing or life or any of that crap. With video games. In hindsight, I can’t imagine why I ever left them. Sure I thought I’d outgrown them, needed to move on, learn about me before I could be with anybody, but I was all wrong. There’s really not that much to me, and all the time I’ve spent without them was a huge mistake. If I’ve learned anything it’s that time not wasted is sometimes wasted time.
- I’ve got to know the people at the grocery store – This was a goal, going into unemployment, to become one of those happy people that knows all the checkout folks. And I have. Sure I’ve had to crack forced jokes about hating the environment every time I forget my reusable bag and make up excuses to go every day, but being vaguely recognized by strangers is totally worth the crippling expenditure of daily organic fruit purchases.
- I went to the Super Bowl – Okay, well I didn’t go to the game. I went to where it was and drank and partied and generally cavorted for 10 magical days with my friend Matthew. I also got two separate e-mails asking if I was gay from friends who were following the trip because of the number of references to and pictures of my friend Matthew. As a straight man with really no sense of style, taste or culture, this was a huge accomplishment.
- I finished my second novel – Unlike my first novel, I actually think this one is fun to read. I haven’t found a publisher or agent yet, but who cares if anyone reads something you poured so much of your life into? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right…?
- I’ve accepted the reality of Jeff – I am kind of short, I’m not particularly cool, I enjoy compliments too much, I eat the same amount as a small Fijian family, I overanalyze things and simultaneously underanalyze them, I overcomplicate things and simultaneously undercomplicate them, I often define to edges of something only to show the middle, I don’t sleep enough, I spend too much time with books, I don’t worry enough about things, I often create criticisms of myself that are actually compliments, I do too much for charity and I place way to much emphasis on the grand uncertainty of the universe, and after the last six months, for the first time, I think I’m okay with all that.
What do I hope to accomplish in the next six months? I’d like to get okay with not out-accomplishing myself for one. Other than that, I guess I’ll figure it out as I go.