April Fool’s

April O'Neil, Fools!

Every year my Grandmother tries to convince me my Mom is in the hospital in what has become an annual exercise in hilarious cruelty. Following in her footsteps, my Mom has started to try and zing me every year, but she usually tells me something impossible not to believe like, “I just ate breakfast (pause) no I didn’t, April Fool’s!”. In my mind that technique defeats the purpose of April Fool’s. The idea is to craft a story that might be otherwise unbelievable and get the gullible to travel down its road with you. Instead of continue an explanation, allow me to give you a few ideas for great April Fool’s jokes that illuminate my point.

1. Walk around all day with your hands behind your back like one of those old men that walks around with their hands behind their back for some reason until you finally cross paths with one of them. Pretend you are struggling then produce two, free hands and say, “I’ve broke the invisible shackles! AMISTAD!”

2. In the middle of the day, suddenly jump on all fours, run down the hallway of your place of employ barking like a dog and peeing on everything you see while ripping off your clothes and howling “Twwwiiiilllliiight.” Once you’ve got everyone’s attention, stand up and say, “April Fool’s, I’m actually a vampire.”

3. Talk in an Irish accent all day and convince everyone that you were hit in the head with a potato and it made you talk like that. At the end of the day, preferably nearby everyone you’ve told your story, have a hidden friend throw a potato at your head. When it hits you start talking normal again. Kill that friend to cover your tracks and never tell anyone anything.

4. Pick one of your friends who is married and pretend you hate them for an unexplained reason. Cut off communication for the next 5 years to the day, then show up wearing a t-shirt that says, “April Fool’s”. When they start to laugh, take that t-shirt off to reveal one beneath it that says “I slept with your wife.” Then take that one off and reveal one that says, “The 5 years of silence is unrelated”. Then give them a handshake.

5. Write a post on your blog, pretending it’s going to be a long list of funny stuff, then end it suddenly and without explanation.


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