You Should Thank Me For Yelling At You


I’m not sure if you realize this co-worker/friend/other guy on the bus or mutual acquaintance, but there’s a reason I yell certain points at you instead of simply discussing them. For one, I was able to surmise with my fearless logic and my brazen, possibly went to graduate school intellect, that whatever you were about to say was going to belie the force of my opinion, requiring I assert it even more powerfully. It’s exactly like when you can’t get something to work so you hit it twice as hard and then you get a new one.

That’s not the only reason. You probably don’t know this, because you know very little and haven’t read all the obscure articles from unnamed publications that I have and that I frequently reference during the making of any point, but the amount I get worked up over whatever the meaningless topic is at hand is directly proportional to my intelligence. It is also inversely proportional to your education, which obviously isn’t as complete as mine because of all sorts of reasons I don’t have the time to explain because I only know how to relate them using analogies related to Proust.

I am getting the sense from the fact that your attention is directed at someone or something else that you still don’t quite understand the reason I’m yelling at you about this subject everyone would just assume I let go. Believe me, I don’t want to yell at you about it. I hate yelling. That’s a big part of why I’m so unhappy, because people like you make me have to yell all the time because they try and say something besides what I’m saying. It’s a vicious cycle, like the one Ghost Rider rides.

To be honest, one day, you’ll thank me for yelling at you about this subject you are pretending to not care about at all and have repeatedly tried to change. Had Shakespeare not yelled at Kafka we wouldn’t call them quotation marks, we’d call them ‘says marks’, and we’d be confused all the time. Imagine it. “Did you hear that says-unsays ‘speech’ from our says-unsays ‘president’ about says-unsays ‘healthcare’?” The world would be devoid of sassy disapproval to say the very least.

To be honest again, I’m getting pretty mad because you haven’t thanked me for yelling at you yet during the course of my yelling. If you don’t thank me soon who knows what I’ll do.


One response to “You Should Thank Me For Yelling At You


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s